I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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