He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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