you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
