no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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