If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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