we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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