do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
