i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
