I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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