I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
