good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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