there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Your cock deserves a montage
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
