I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
