My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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