whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
