can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
