i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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