it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do you remember whose house we're in?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
