Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The Olympian is in my bed
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
