How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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