look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
