all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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