Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
