Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
