M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
whose parrot is this?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
