I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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