Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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