I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
