non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
