I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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