i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
