The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
