I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
