Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
be right there i have to get my cape
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
