My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
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WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize