I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
