JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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