why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
