I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
