hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
