Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
