how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
