Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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