My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
