would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize