I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My ass is underappreciated
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dick very happy bro
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
