a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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