just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
