Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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