I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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