you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
