my being single is dangerous.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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