i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
