Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
