call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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