just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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