Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
