he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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