This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
