You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
