just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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