Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
