She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
