am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
