There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
