I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
